Caress
by MidnightHalcyon
Summary: When Amanda realizes Olivia is in pain, she offers to help her feel better which leads to both of them having to navigate their changing feelings.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: In this story Noah and Jesse do not exist.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

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Amanda stumbled through the doors of the precinct, glancing at the clock and cursing under her breath. Bypassing the elevator, Amanda headed for the stairs taking them two at a time. Barreling around the corner, Amanda was so intent on her destination that she failed to notice Carisi until she was on top of him-literally. Papers littered the hallway and a stunned Carisi slowly sat up rubbing his head. Amanda's cheeks flushed scarlet as she quickly rolled off of Carisi.

"Carisi, I'm sorry, I didn't see you," Amanda stammered, reaching out to the detective. "Are you okay?"

Carisi gently waved her off, a familiar grin appearing on his face.

"I'm fine, Amanda, it's you you should be worried about."

Amanda's heart sank at Carisi's words.

"How mad is she?" she asked, trepidation creeping into her voice.

The grin slipped off of Carisi's face.

"If I were you, I wouldn't keep her waiting any longer."

Shakily Amanda pushed herself off of the floor and trudged towards the squadroom leaving Carisi behind to gather the papers.

The door squeaked when she opened it and Amanda glared at the hinges for proclaiming her arrival, but it hadn't even mattered. Olivia Benson stood in the center of the room, her arms tightly crossed and no trace of amusement on her face.

"Rollins, so nice of you to finally join us."

Amanda grimaced and braced herself for the scolding she knew was coming. Still, she couldn't help trying to explain.

"Lieutenant, I know I'm a little late but-"

"A little!" Olivia interrupted, an incredulous tone in her voice. "You're nearly 20 minutes late."

Amanda ducked her head, "I know, I know and I'm sorry but-"

"Save it Amanda," Olivia snapped, "I don't want to hear another one of your excuses. Just get back to work and be thankful you still have a job."

Averting her eyes from her lieutenant's glare, Amanda silently shuffled to her seat. Olivia watched her retreating form waiting until Amanda sat down before she returned to her office, letting the door swing shut with more force than necessary.

XXX

Back in her office Olivia slowly made her way back to her seat and gingerly lowered herself into the chair. She glanced out the window to see that Amanda had turned her chair so that her back was to Olivia instead of sideways like she normally sat. The sickening, familiar feeling of guilt welled up in the brunette; she hadn't meant to snap at Amanda, but she was more irritable than usual today.

Olivia eyed the bottle of ibuprofen on her desk in before tossing it in her desk drawer and slamming it closed; she'd already taken the maximum dose and it hadn't done more than slightly numb the pain. She winced at the feeling of the firm seat beneath her and longingly eyed the soft cushions of her couch. She debated transferring her workstation to the more forgiving material, but the knowledge that she would have to again stand and resituate herself gave her pause.

Intending to get back to work and leave well enough alone Olivia picked up her pen before setting it back down with a huff. Knowing her body would thank her later, Olivia forced herself to stand and began the tedious process of gathering her files and laptop, making sure to grab everything she could possibly need. She made her way over to the couch, her items precariously balanced in her arms.

Upon carefully setting down her possessions, Olivia let out a sigh of relief as she slowly eased herself onto the soft material. Mentally congratulating herself for her decision to switch seats, Olivia slipped her glasses on and resumed her work.

XXX

The hours passed slowly with the early darkening of the sky a false indicator of nighttime; a testament to the presence of winter.

Eventually evening arrived and one by one the squad slowly filed out, each having had enough for one day of the never ending caseload. Olivia slid her glasses off and massaged her temples, ready to call it a night herself. She briefly toyed with the thought of stopping for groceries but a sharp burst of pain settled her decision to order takeout. A sudden rap at the door roused Olivia from her thoughts and she curiously turned to face her visitor.

"Come in," she announced.

Blonde hair appeared in the doorway as Amanda peeked into the office. A look of confusion crossed her face as she noticed her lieutenant's vacant desk. Catching sight of movement in her peripheral vision, Amanda turned to face the brunette.

"Change of scenery?" Amanda remarked, nodding at Olivia's makeshift work space.

"Rollins, I thought you left already," Olivia responded tersely, ignoring Amanda's observation.

"I was about to, I just needed your signature for this last form," Amanda gestured to the paper in her hand.

Reaching for a pen, Olivia motioned for the form.

In her haste to vacate her lieutenant's presence, who was apparently still cross with her, Amanda inadvertently jostled Olivia's wrist in her attempt to give her the form, knocking the pen from her hand.

Amanda immediately apologized, starting to reach for the pen.

Reflexively Olivia also moved to retrieve the pen which had landed near her shoe. She bent over without thinking until the pain made her remember. She was unable to suppress a gasp as pain flared through her back.

"Liv, are you okay?" Amanda asked in alarm jerking upright, the pen forgotten.

"I'm fine," Olivia gritted in a tone that indicated anything but. She grabbed a different pen resting on a folder and hastily scribbled her signature on the form, handing it back to Amanda without further conversation making the dismissal clear.

Amanda hesitantly took the form, but she stayed rooted to the spot debating what to say. Clearly Olivia wasn't okay, but the problem would be getting her to admit that. Part of her wanted to heed Olivia's dismissal, knowing that the more she pried, the more defensive Olivia would become and considering the fact that she was still upset with her for being late she was more likely than usual to be on the receiving end of the lieutenant's hostility.

On the other hand, Olivia was obviously in pain and despite their numerous disagreements, Amanda couldn't in good conscience walk away and ignore the brunette's suffering.

"Are you sure you're okay? 'Cause you seem like you're in pain," Amanda ventured cautiously.

Olivia straightened up as best she could, which wasn't much, and pivoted to face Amanda. "I'm fine Rollins," Olivia reiterated, "My back is just a little sore, that's all." she ceded with a note of finality, cluing Amanda to let the subject drop.

Undeterred, Amanda pressed on. "Sore from what?" she inquired, unable to mask the concern in her tone as she tried and failed to meet Olivia's eyes as the brunette determinedly avoided her gaze.

A long period of silence ensued and Amanda began to think that she had overstepped her bounds. Well aware that she was one of the last people Olivia would confide in, Amanda was about to apologize for prying.

"I slipped," Olivia said at last, catching Amanda off-guard. "On the ice." Olivia admitted, a pale blush coloring her cheeks as she spoke.

"Oh," was all Amanda managed; she was too surprised to form a coherent sentence. The blonde hadn't expected her boss to actually confide in her. It was an unprecedented advance in their relationship, and she wasn't prepared for the turn of events. Attempting to regain control, Amanda pulled herself back together.

"When did this happen?" Amanda queried, wondering if she should have noticed something was wrong sooner.

"Two days ago," Olivia confessed, remembering how the morning of her rare consecutive two days off had gotten off to a terrible start. "But it's not as bad as it was," she rushed to add, seeing the heightened concern on the blonde's face. "The swelling is gone. It's just sore."

Amanda started to ask another question but Olivia cut her off.

"Thank you for your concern but I'll be fine, Amanda," Olivia briskly responded, closing her laptop and beginning to gather her papers into some semblance of order.

Like shades being drawn, Amanda watched as her boss's rare moment of vulnerability was replaced by the mask of professionalism she rarely forewent.

Amanda knew that was her cue to walk away. Now that she knew the brunette wasn't seriously injured, her worry lessened; and Olivia had made it clear that her presence was no longer welcome. Amanda knew she didn't have a rational reason to stay. Still, the part of her that was never content to leave well enough alone where Olivia was concerned wouldn't let the matter drop.

Steeling herself for a more pointed dismissal, Amanda voiced a suggestion.

"Maybe you should get a massage," she tentatively suggested, "That's what I usually do after a long day or after a stakeout," Amanda revealed before pausing, unprepared for Olivia to halt her actions and look directly at her.

"A massage," Olivia repeated, peering up at Amanda. "I wasn't aware you got those. Do they work?" Olivia asked curiously.

"Sometimes it helps. My sister and I used to practice on each other, we got pretty good at it," Amanda awkwardly shrugged. She wasn't used to Olivia seemingly taking an interest in her non-work related activities, unless they were her vices, and now that she did Amanda couldn't help but share.

"Maybe I'll try that," Olivia mused, truly considering the suggestion.

"I could give you the name of the place I go to," Amanda offered, and to her surprise Olivia nodded. "Or I could give you a massage tonight," Amanda proposed before freezing, her eyes widening in pure shock. Her brain struggled to catch up to the words her mouth had just spoken and when it did disbelief and abject horror set in.

Amanda's eyes flew up in alarm, fervently wishing that Olivia hadn't heard. But judging by the stunned expression on the brunette's face, luck was not on her side. She had just offered to massage her boss. Amanda felt the heat rise in her face as she stared at the floor desperately wishing it would open and swallow her whole.

Simultaneously, she started to stammer out an apology while backing her way to the door. Amanda had the feeling that she was only digging herself in deeper, but she couldn't make herself stop rambling.

"Okay."

The word stopped Amanda in her tracks. How she even managed to hear it over the roar of her own mind screaming at her, she didn't know. But it was enough to temporarily quell her panic and slow her escape. Amanda looked up, silently questioning if she had heard Olivia correctly.

To her surprise, Olivia actually looked amused. However; her mirth was quickly replaced by a grimace stemming from the twinge that shot through her back.

"You can give me a massage, Amanda," Olivia repeated when the pain ebbed.

"Okay," Amanda parroted, trying to compose herself.

"I have some massage oils at my place," Amanda announced, trying to look more at ease than she felt. "Do you want to follow me there or..."Amanda trailed off, unsure of the proper protocol for this; it was something she would never find in any handbook.

Olivia shook her head, "I took a cab. I didn't feel up to walking or driving," she confessed while shoving files in her bag, partly to expedite her clean up and partly because she didn't want to see Amanda's reaction when she realized just how weak she was feeling.

Amanda, to her credit, didn't give any outward reaction to Olivia's admission. However, after finding out just how restrictive the brunette's pain was, the blonde felt better about her bold offer.

"After you," Amanda announced with a flourish, holding open the office door.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the encouraging reviews!**

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Olivia followed Amanda through the deserted precinct watching as the detective maneuvered her way around the empty desks with two bags slung over her arm. Amanda had insisted on carrying Olivia's overstuffed bag claiming the strain would only make her back pain worse.

Naturally Olivia had protested, bristling at the implication that she was too weak to carry her own bag. However, Amanda had simply shouldered Olivia's bag and walked away, leaving Olivia no choice but to follow.

Olivia had to admire Amanda's brashness. Near the beginning of their relationship, the blonde never would have pressed into Olivia's private matters, much less made such a personal offer. She thought back to the days when Amanda tiptoed on eggshells around her, eager to make a good impression; those moments were short-lived.

Olivia frowned as she recalled all the headaches she received as a result of them frequently butting heads. Yet those times had passed. Although tempers still flared every now and again; thankfully, their arguments had lessened, both in frequency and intensity.

Somewhere along the way things had changed, or rather they had changed. They had lapsed into a state of tolerance that to the untrained eye could pass for a normal workplace relationship, a description that Olivia knew neither she nor Amanda believed.

A more accurate explanation would be that the two of them had formed an unspoken truce forged from the understanding that the tension between them was not evaporating anytime soon and being civil was a better arrangement than constantly being at each others throats.

As strange as she knew it seemed, Olivia found she actually missed those days. Frustrating as those moments were, they were also predictable. Fighting with Amanda had become routine, so easily integrated into her day that the absence of it was jarring.

The truth was that fighting with Amanda was easier than than the alternative, admitting that she was actually more than fond of the blonde. Although the words were only in her head, they still sounded too loud and Olivia instinctively looked up at Amanda, as though she may have somehow heard. Amanda; however, paid Olivia no heed, seemingly lost in her own thoughts.

With a quiet sigh of relief Olivia slowed down, her last thoughts bringing her back to the reality of the situation. She was about to go home with a coworker, one that she had personal feelings for, for a very non-work related reason. That realization was enough to bring Olivia to a complete stop.

It was one thing to imagine spending extra time with Amanda, but to actually follow through was going too far. Doing this, Olivia thought, would be trampling across the line she had meticulously drawn between them which they occasionally neared but had never come close to crossing until now. As clarity reemerged, second thoughts began to dawn.

Olivia reached for Amanda with the intention of telling her that she changed her mind and would take a cab home. By that time they had reached the outer doors and Amanda turned to face Olivia with her back resting against the door starting to push it open for them.

"Do you want to stop for take out?" Amanda asked, while digging in her bag for her keys. "My cabinets are kind of bare, unless you want instant ramen," she remarked with a wry grin. The sentences came out so casually that if Olivia didn't know better she would think they spent time together outside of work often instead of this being their first excursion. When Olivia didn't respond, Amanda looked up at her and her smile began to falter as she saw the hesitant look on the lieutenant's face.

Amanda suppressed a sigh, doing her best to not look disappointed. She had suspected that this moment was coming. The idea that her guarded boss would even consider accepting her offer was nearly implausible so the fact that they had made it this far was astounding. Amanda tried to look on the bright side; this was progress. If she had she made that same suggestion months ago, she would currently be on the receiving end of a lecture about inappropriate behavior.

Trying to prevent Olivia from completely shutting her out and sending their relationship back to contemptuous times, she attempted to salvage what she could.

Amanda fidgeted with her keys as she spoke, nervous energy needing a release. "Of course it's getting late and you're probably tired so if you just wanted to go home I could take-"

"No," Olivia interrupted, catching Amanda off-guard. "Take out sounds great; my treat," she finished with a small smile, surprising them both.

XXX

A while later Amanda slowed to a stop in front of her apartment building. The ride had been surprisingly pleasant with conversation flowing easily as they engaged in small talk. It was only upon arriving at their destination that that they began to feel out of place.

Amanda nervously glanced at Olivia from the corner of her eye as she began to have second thoughts. Having dinner with Olivia in her home felt like such a domestic act, a far cry from what they really were. Yet a casual evening with Olivia was something Amanda had dreamed about since before she even met her so when the opportunity presented itself, she spoke without thinking; an occurrence that was becoming far too common, Amanda critiqued.

Although she had every intention of following through on her promise of a massage, inviting Olivia over just for that felt too perfunctory; she wanted Olivia to know that she truly did enjoy spending time with her. The wishful dreamer part of her resurfaced and Amanda couldn't help but think that tonight could be a turning point in their changing relationship. The fact that Olivia had even agreed to any of this was promising, perhaps she wasn't as opposed to being around Amanda as the blonde had thought.

Feeling reassured, Amanda turned toward her passenger.

"Ready when you are Liv."

XXX

Amanda had barely shut the door behind them when cheerful barking filled the apartment. Frannie trotted over to Amanda, briefly nuzzling her owner's leg before honing in on her real target. Frannie eagerly sniffed at the brown paper bag in Olivia's hand, taking more interest in the food than the company.

"Easy Frannie," Amanda gently scolded, tugging her pet back so Olivia, who had insisted on at least being allowed to carry the food, could set the bag on the counter.

"Not every meal is for you," Amanda reminded Frannie, who cocked her head as if to disagree. Olivia observed the scene, a smile tugging at her lips as she watched; she had the sense that they had this conversation on more than one occasion.

"Sorry about that," Amanda apologized, but Olivia waved it off.

"It's sweet; she missed you," Olivia commented. "It's nice to have someone greet you when you come home," she added with a touch of wistfulness as she thought about her own empty apartment.

XXX

Moments later they settled on the couch with glasses of water, each balancing a full plate of food on their lap. Amanda had insisted that the cushions would be better for Olivia, and Olivia, internally relieved to avoid the straight-backed dining chairs, didn't object. Frannie nudged her own full bowl closer to them, not wanting to be left out and hopeful that her owner or her new friend would drop something.

They sat together on the couch and polite conversation naturally faded away as they ate. However, the quiet was beginning to get to Amanda. Staying silent around the brunette had never been one of her strong points and she could feel herself about to break the silence. Amanda fought to suppress the urge. The moment was peaceful and she knew from experience that talking usually led to rambling; a habit she was trying to curb.

"Do you want to watch something?" Amanda blurted out in an attempt to stop herself from saying something she might regret.

"Okay, sure," Olivia replied, mildly startled by Amanda's outburst.

Amanda reached for the remote and switched on the TV which came on in the middle of her favorite reality tv show. Amanda hastily flipped past it, doubting that Olivia had the same taste in entertainment as her. She finally settled on _Forrest Gump_ and glanced at Olivia who nodded her approval, even though the movie was more than halfway over. Having circumvented her propensity to converse, Amanda settled back against the couch feeling much more relaxed and they finished their meal in peace.

When the credits began to roll Amanda reluctantly rose. Olivia started to reach for her empty place but Amanda intercepted, collecting both plates and disposing of them in the sink.

"You're the guest, it wouldn't be right to make you do work," Amanda quipped. She turned back to face Olivia who was looking at her, silently asking what came next. Amanda felt a tiny jolt of nervousness as she was reminded of the reason Olivia was in her apartment, but she pushed it aside after reminding herself that this had been her idea.

"We should probably wait a little bit since we just ate," Amanda hesitantly informed Olivia, uncertain if the brunette would be willing to stay longer. To Amanda's delight, Olivia leaned back on the couch and smiled.

"I don't have anywhere to be," she announced, seemingly content in her new position.

Feeling relieved, Amanda started to head back to the living room. She figured they could just watch another movie to pass the time, but when her gaze landed on the hall closet a different idea popped into her head.

"How do you feel about a board game?" Amanda ventured, already heading to the closet as she willed Olivia to say yes.

"Which game?" Olivia queried, sounding intrigued.

Amanda opened the closet and grimaced at the sight. Staring at the crowded collection of clothes, shoes, and boxes reminded her that she was long overdue for spring cleaning. On the top shelf she spied her meager assortment of games haphazardly shoved to the back. Reaching up, Amanda's fingertips grazed the corner of a box and she seized it, not caring what it was.

"Really Amanda? Clue?" Olivia remarked, unable to hide her amusement at the juvenile game the blonde was holding.

"It's a classic," Amanda defended as she set the box on the coffee table. "Of course there's always Scrabble if you don't think you can solve this case, _Lieutenant,"_ Amanda teased, daring Olivia to back down.

"You're on, _Detective,"_ Olivia challenged, a devious grin crossing her face as her competitive streak rose to the surface.

XXX

"My accusation is Professor Plum in the conservatory with the candlestick." Olivia confidently announced, reaching for the thin envelope holding the answer. She smiled triumphantly as she showed the cards to Amanda.

"Wait, what, how?" Amanda stammered, looking perplexed as she tried to make sense of the brunette's victory. "But you kept asking about Mr. Green," she pointed out in a questioning tone.

"I just wanted you to think I didn't have him," Olivia explained, holding up the card from her own pile. "You never learned that trick?" she asked, tipping her head at Amanda.

"I haven't played since I was a kid," Amanda disclosed in her defense. "Kim and I used to play games a lot when we were little, but since then-" Amanda shrugged, feeling a burst of nostalgia for the days when she and her sister were close. Knowing that her sister was a sensitive topic, Olivia chose to let the matter drop.

The playful mood was beginning to dissipate and Olivia racked her mind for something to say to cheer up the blonde. Fortunately, Frannie unwittingly came to the rescue instead. Letting out a series of impatient barks, Frannie stared at her owner from the door, which she had been standing by for several minutes.

The sound of her pet was enough to rouse Amanda and she looked at the clock, wincing when she saw the time. "Sorry girl, I lost track of time," Amanda apologized, jumping to her feet.

"I need to take Frannie out. I shouldn't be too long," Amanda promised, feeling bad about having to leave Olivia alone, but knowing that the brunette was in no state to go with her.

"Take your time," Olivia said earnestly. She had found a particularly comfortable spot on the couch and wasn't in any hurry to vacate the seat. However, Amanda's next words made her sit up straight.

"Hot water can help soothe your muscles," Amanda began. Olivia gave her a bewildered look and Amanda tried to backtrack, recognizing that she hadn't made sense. She tried to summon the confidence she had earlier, but it seemed to have abandoned her. "I mean, a shower might help you feel more relaxed. For the massage I mean," Amanda fumbled through her explanation and watched as Olivia put the pieces together.

XXX

Olivia surveyed the bathroom, admiring the way Amanda had decorated. Reaching into the linen closet, she puled out a fluffy blue towel and appreciatively ran her hands over the soft fabric. Olivia draped the towel over the curtain rod and adjusted the taps making warm water flow before letting the shower spray. Despite her varying success with getting comfortable on the couch, flashes of pain still plagued her; so when Amanda suggested a hot shower, the idea sounded marvelous and she readily took her up on the offer.

Olivia straightened up with a grunt and instinctively placed a hand on her lower back. She rested against the counter and caught sight of herself in the mirror. Fatigue and discomfort stared back at her and she scowled at her reflection. She hated displaying weakness, years of trying to prove herself as capable on the job had hardwired the need to always put up a strong front to everyone; however Amanda was proving to be the exception.

While she waited for the water to heat up Olivia let her thoughts stray to the blonde and she idly she pondered how she even came to be in Amanda's apartment.

Although she had initially accepted Amanda's offer, before they left the precinct she was fully prepared to put a stop to their evening before it even began. She had been seconds away from calling the whole thing off when something made her pause.

Olivia recalled the look on Amanda's face as they neared the exit. She had seemed so hopeful about their impromptu rendezvous until she looked up. Olivia surmised that Amanda must have sensed that she had changed her mind because for a moment the blonde's expression was crestfallen. She tried to hide it, but Olivia had seen anyway and immediately felt bad.

She knew Amanda was just trying to do something nice for her, but what she couldn't figure out was why the young detective cared so much. After giving her a less than jovial welcome upon her first joining the squad and rebuffing every other attempt Amanda had made to get to know her, Olivia thought Amanda would have given up on her, but she hadn't.

Instead Amanda had gone out of her way to help her and the blonde seemed like she would have been genuinely saddened if she declined. Olivia didn't want to say no, and despite the voice in her head warning her to refuse, she couldn't bring herself to disappoint Amanda again.

Olivia started to shift her position, beginning to ache from standing still, when she caught sight of the thin layer of steam that was beginning to cloud the mirror. The sight brought her back to the present and for a moment Olivia worried that Amanda had returned and was waiting on her. However, the silence that permeated over the sound of the shower assuaged Olivia's concerns.

Not wanting to delay any longer, Olivia shed her clothes. She had no trouble with her button-down and bra, neatly folding them on the counter. She had the same fortune with her socks, having opted for no-shows so she could slip them off hands-free. It wasn't until after she let her pants and underwear fall to the floor that she realized a flaw in her method. She had started to pick them up when a twinge reminded her that bending over wasn't an option right now. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Olivia kicked the garments into a neat pile before nudging them against the wall. She would have to deal with them later.

Pulling back the curtain Olivia stepped into the shower, exhaling in satisfaction as the heated water washed over her. As she lathered herself, the scent of warm vanilla wafting in the air, Olivia tried to center herself. Being in Amanda's apartment and having had a surprisingly nice evening with her was distracting enough. The knowledge that she was about to be even closer to the blonde was really taking a toll on her focus.

This was the reason her brain had urged her to refuse, Olivia thought. The more time she spent around Amanda, the more she let her guard down. The detective had a way of disarming her defenses which is why Olivia tried to keep her at a distance. Olivia knew Amanda had been hoping for a friendship with her since before they even met, but the problem wasn't being friendly with Amanda; rather it was being able to draw the line at only being friends. Olivia rested her head against the tiles letting the water cascade over her. She regretted the situation she had gotten herself into as she doubted her own ability to keep her real feelings for Amanda concealed.

 _All Amanda is seeking is friendship,_ Olivia reminded herself as she rinsed off the remaining suds. The last thing she needed was for Amanda to find out that her own desires ran deeper. As she reached to turn off the water, Olivia forced herself to push aside her feelings and accept Amanda's offer for what it was, a friendly gesture. Tonight, she reasoned, would be a true test of her resolve.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews; I truly enjoyed reading them!**

 **Here is the conclusion, Enjoy!**

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Amanda ambled along the sidewalk, coming to a halt every few steps as Frannie seemed determined to stop and sniff everything they passed.

"Honestly Frannie, we've gone this way a hundred times, what could possibly be so interesting?" Amanda questioned her pet whose only response was to start sniffing a rare patch of grass. Coming to terms with the fact that the walk was going to take longer than she thought, Amanda pulled a pair of gloves from her pocket and slipped them on, savoring the immediate warmth the knitted fabric provided. Truthfully, she was grateful for Frannie's dawdling, it gave her time to think.

Inviting Olivia over had been impulsive, Amanda admitted. But, her thoughts reminded her, when wasn't she when it came to Olivia. Despite the brunette's initial insistence that she was fine, it was obvious to Amanda that she wasn't and it would have taken more willpower than she possessed to not try to help Olivia. The words had tumbled out against her will but it was too late to take them back which, Amanda deduced, was how she wound up in this situation.

She gently tugged on the leash, silently urging Frannie to hurry up but also feeling relieved when the dog paid no heed to her insistence. Although it was beginning to get colder, Amanda wasn't quite ready to return home. Doing so would mean seeing Olivia and having to follow through on her own poorly thought out idea. The thought caused a flutter of nerves to tumble through her and Amanda tensed. She didn't think she was prepared to be that close to Olivia and she knew it was for more reasons than that she was her boss.

Amanda sighed as she leaned against a nearby lamppost. None of this would be such a problem if she wasn't so infatuated with Olivia. _No_ , Amanda corrected herself knowing she was well past being lovestruck, _you're in love with her,_ she forced herself to admit _._

Although the words were only in her head, just thinking them felt exhilarating and Amanda couldn't suppress the grin that stretched across her face. However, the relief she felt at finally admitting the truth to herself quickly spiraled into concern. How was she supposed to do this? It was hard enough hiding her affection at work, this would be a whole new charade and Amanda wasn't sure if she was up for the challenge.

For a moment Amanda thought about calling the whole thing off, but she quickly rejected that plan when she realized it would only make Olivia suspicious since it was her idea to begin with.

Realizing there was no other option, Amanda resigned herself to having to make good on her offer. She tried not to think about the fact that Olivia was currently in her apartment, presumably nude. A mental image started to form and Amanda vigorously shook her head, trying to keep her mind in the present.

She suddenly dreading going back to her apartment even more. She was terrified Olivia would pick up on her ruminations. The last thing she wanted to do was make Olivia uncomfortable and scare her off. This was the closest they had ever been to true friendship and Amanda was determined not to ruin it.

Attempting to get her racing thoughts under control, Amanda pondered how they even came to be in this situation. Although she understood her own motivation for making the impetuous suggestion, what Amanda couldn't figure out was why Olivia had ever agreed. She knew that Olivia took her role as a lieutenant seriously and did her best to uphold that persona so going home with a coworker hardly qualified as appropriate behavior, despite how well-meaning the intentions were.

Amanda was still amazed that Olivia hadn't reprimanded her for her proposition, especially considering the harsh rebuke she had received just for being late to work. Amanda mulled it over and the only logical conclusion she could reach was that Olivia must really be in pain. The thought made her feel guilty. Olivia was coming to her for help and she had been fantasizing. Shame burned through her and Amanda tried to refocus.

She had managed to keep her true feelings secret for this long, surely she could survive one night. Emboldened with newfound confidence, Amanda headed home with Frannie obliviously trotting along beside her.

XXX

Olivia tucked the blue towel around her as she emerged from the shower. As she cleared a small space in the fogged up mirror, she acknowledged that Amanda had been right about the hot shower; she was feeling significantly better and she even looked better. However, Olivia's contentment was cut short when she realized she was faced with a slight dilemma; she hadn't thought about what she would wear after her shower.

She was loathe to put her work attire back on and as she stared at the small pile of clothes on the floor she realized she couldn't even if she wanted to. Although the shower had loosened her up some, she could sense that she wasn't quite up to bending over yet.

With her options narrowing themselves down, Olivia figured the simplest choice was to find something to wear in Amanda's room, certain the blonde wouldn't mind.

XXX

Amanda let the door swing shut behind her and within seconds she felt her ability to conceal her feelings dissolve. Olivia had just stepped out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, _a very short towel,_ Amanda's brain unhelpfully pointed out.

Olivia recovered from the shock first. "Amanda, you're back," she exclaimed, momentarily startled by the blonde's return. Acutely aware that she was only wearing a towel, Olivia rushed into her explanation.

"I didn't want to put my work clothes back on, could I borrow something of yours?" she asked, unconsciously tugging at the hem of her towel.

"Uh huh," Amanda murmured, too focused on keeping her eyes from wandering to fully pay attention. It wasn't until she noticed that Olivia was expectantly looking at her that she realized she had been asked a question. Cursing herself for getting distracted, Amanda tried to recall what Olivia said. To her relief, the words finally registered.

"Of course Liv," Amanda assured, as she cleared herself of the last vestiges of her straying imagination. "Follow me," she offered as she headed toward her bedroom, shrugging off her jacket as she went.

Once inside Olivia gravitated to the framed artwork adorning Amanda's wall while Amanda rifled through her pajama drawer. She pulled out a pair of loose cotton shorts and hesitated before pulling out a matching top.

"These are nice," Olivia complimented, gesturing to the paintings of purple flowers and the New York City skyline. "I didn't know you were a fan of Georgia O'Keeffe," she commented as she moved to take the proffered garments from Amanda.

"I always liked her style," Amanda divulged, caught off-guard by Olivia's observation. "I found them at an art fair, and I figured the walls needed a little decoration," Amanda continued upon seeing Olivia's appreciation for the art. It wasn't often they found a common ground and she wanted to dwell on the moment; however, it ended too quickly.

Olivia perched on the edge of the bed still holding the clothes, and Amanda did her best to resist looking down at Olivia's cleavage, only mildly succeeding.

"Should I change?" Olivia asked, sounding a little unsure. She didn't know exactly what Amanda had in mind, but she was curious to find out. The question seemed to refocus Amanda and she quickly ran through a mental checklist before responding.

"Hold on a sec," Amanda instructed before darting from the room. She returned a few moments later carrying a stack of towels and a small basket with assorted bottles in it. Setting the basket down, Amanda draped one of the towels across the bed and over a pillow.

"I figured we'd do it on the bed," Amanda started to explain before she blushed furiously at her unintended suggestive language. _Get it together,_ she scolded herself. Trying to be more careful with her words, she continued. "Don't put the shirt on yet," Amanda advised and then winced, none of her words were coming out right.

"It's just easier, because of the oil, but whatever is most comfortable for you is fine," Amanda rushed to say, hesitantly meeting Olivia's eyes to see her reaction. She was sorely tempted to flee from the room, but Olivia's response quelled her escape.

"That's fine, Amanda," Olivia said calmly, setting the shirt aside. Amanda let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding, relieved that Olivia seemed unbothered by her flustered behavior.

"Okay, I'll let you get changed," Amanda announced, turning around to offer her privacy. The moment Amanda turned her back Olivia released the smile she had been fighting back ever since Amanda started to stumble through her speech. Oddly, Amanda's nervousness eased her own.

As Olivia removed the towel and slipped on the soft shorts, smirking as she noticed they were patterned with little frogs, she pondered Amanda's behavior. She knew Amanda had a tendency to be on edge around her, but she seemed more anxious than usual. Olivia had attributed it to the unusual position they were in; this being the first time they had really associated outside of work; and they hadn't exactly taken baby steps she thought, considering her current state of undress.

Still, Olivia couldn't help but notice the way Amanda had been looking at her, or rather the way she had been trying to pretend like she wasn't. That observation was enough to make Olivia think that maybe her feelings weren't as one sided as she originally thought.

 _You're just seeing what you want,_ Olivia told herself. She tried to rid herself of the notion that Amanda felt anything beyond simple admiration for her. Yet, as she positioned herself on the bed, she found herself unable to extinguish that small flicker of hope.

While Olivia situated herself, Amanda took the opportunity to change out of her own work clothes. She slipped on a set similar to what she gave Olivia, taking longer than necessary to dress. She needed more time to compose herself. _Way to be subtle,_ she thought sardonically, recalling the juvenile way she had stumbled over her words, like a teenager speaking to their crush for the first time. _At this rate, I'll be the one needing to lie down,_ Amanda mused, as she finally acknowledged that she had run out of ways to stall. Taking a deep breath, she turned back around to face Olivia.

Olivia lay waiting, draped across the bed with her head resting on folded arms on the pillow. The scene was innocent enough but to Amanda, it was beautiful. It was a sight she could, and wanted, to get used to. Forcing herself to focus, Amanda picked up the small basket and made her way over to Olivia.

"Which scent do you want?" she asked, displaying the selection. "I have lavender, jasmine, peppermint, orange, sandlewood, and eucalyptus," she rattled off. Olivia turned her head to view the bottles. "Wow, Amanda, you have quite the collection," she observed, looking at the little bottles.

"It's kinda become a hobby," Amanda said, "Sometimes I practice on myself to unwind," she confessed, thinking about how she had been planning to do that very thing tonight before she encountered Olivia in her office.

"I love the smell of lavender," Olivia confided, settling on her choice.

"I'll be right back," Amanda promised, collecting the bottle and exiting the room.

In the bathroom Amanda busied herself with mixing the lavender with sweet almond oil and placing the mixture in the bottle warmer she had specifically for this purpose. Amanda washed her hands while she waited for the oil to heat and reflected on the current situation.

Never once did she think her evening would turn out like this, with her boss, the object of her affection, lying on her bed waiting for her. Ordinarily it would have been enough to fuel a dozen fantasies but Amanda repressed the urge. Olivia was here for her assistance, it wouldn't be right to think about her like that, especially when the feelings weren't mutual, she thought.

Trying not to ruminate, Amanda shifted her attention to more appropriate thoughts. She was excited for reasons that had nothing to do with her affection. She did truly enjoy giving massages and it had been a while since she'd had the opportunity to do it on anyone besides herself. Despite her inability to stop wishing that Olivia viewed her as more than a colleague, Amanda took solace in the fact that in the short span of an evening, she and Olivia were closer than they had ever been before, and she still got to engage in one of her favorite pastimes. Feeling reenergized, Amanda gathered the oil and returned to Olivia.

Olivia slowly stretched out on the soft bed, already feeling better to be lying down. A slight tingle of anticipation ran through her. She had never had a massage before, too adverse to the thought of a stranger touching her; but this was different, this was Amanda. Despite their disagreements, she trusted Amanda completely.

Amanda's claims that a massage would help made her curious about what it would feel like. She was looking forward to having Amanda touch her. Olivia immediately blushed at the thought, her mental phrasing coming across as more provocative than intended. Although that wasn't an avenue she was opposed to, Olivia mused. However, a faint scent of lavender filled the air, signaling the blonde's return and interrupting her spiraling thoughts.

Amanda reentered the room and placed the oil on the nightstand.

"Are you ready?" she asked, as she knelt on the bed next to Olivia., unable to control the little flutter of butterflies as a result of their proximity.

"Yes," Olivia murmured, unconsciously tensing as she waited for Amanda's touch.

"Just let me know if anything hurts, or if you want me to stop," Amanda instructed, as she squeezed a small amount of oil in her palm and rubbed her hands together.

Amanda waited until Olivia nodded in reply before gently placing her hands on Olivia's lower back, just above the hem of her shorts.

Olivia gasped and Amanda instantly pulled away. "Did I hurt you?" she asked worriedly, peering down at Olivia to gauge her expression.

"No," Olivia insisted, meeting Amanda's concerned stare. "The heat feels nice," she confessed with a small smile, assuaging Amanda's fears. Taking Olivia's reaction as a sign to continue, Amanda resumed her ministrations. Slowly she settled into a familiar rhythm, enjoying the feel of Olivia's soft skin and smiling as she felt the older woman relax under her touch. A comfortable silence came over them as Amanda lost herself in the motions and Olivia closed her eyes as she surrendered to Amanda's caress.

Amanda was focused on kneading a particular tense spot and almost startled when Olivia spoke.

"Mmmm, if you ever get tired of being a detective, you have a great future as a massage therapist," Olivia sighed, feeling tension she didn't even realize she had ebb away.

Amanda, flattered by the compliment, deflected to humor. "You won't get rid of me that easily," she quipped.

"Good," came the instantaneous reply, "I'd miss you too much," Olivia admitted, letting her eyes slip closed again.

Amanda paused, certain her mind was playing tricks on her. That was quite possibly the nicest thing Olivia had ever said to her. Amanda tried not to read too much into the comment, attributing it to the relief the brunette was feeling. Still, after so long of feeling that Olivia only tolerated her, it was hard not to wish that Olivia would really miss her if she ever left.

Realizing that now wasn't the time to ponder the brunette's words, Amanda stopped herself from getting lost in baseless thoughts and resumed the massage.

Comforted by the light, floral scent of lavender, Olivia succumbed to Amanda's delicate touch, feeling at ease as the younger woman gently swept her hair over her shoulder to continue her path up her back. It was quiet apart from Amanda's humming, which was so faint Olivia doubted Amanda even realized she was doing it. The subconscious act was endearing, but Olivia's smile faded as quickly as it came. She had loved seeing the playful, caring side of Amanda, but the night was ending far too quickly and soon spending time with Amanda would be an event that only existed in her memories.

Olivia didn't know how she could go back to being distant with the blonde which is why she had feared coming over to begin with. Under normal circumstances she would have immediately remarked on the inappropriateness of Amanda's suggestion; however, under normal circumstances Amanda would never have been so bold as to ask. Olivia's only conclusion was that Amanda sensed their relationship was changing and she had been brave enough to test the waters.

The soothing sensation that was spreading across her back was enough to make Olivia grateful for Amanda's tenacity, but she also realized that the next move would be up to her. Yet, the decision didn't seem as daunting as it had before tonight. Maybe it was because she felt so relaxed, or maybe it was because she suspected Amanda felt the same. Either way, she was tired of pretending her feelings for Amanda were innocent.

"Amanda?" Olivia called suddenly, desperate to get the words out before she lost her nerve.

"Hmm?" Amanda muttered distractedly, focused on relieving the tension in Olivia's shoulders.

"There's an art show next weekend, do you want to go?" Olivia hesitantly asked, apprehension rising although the question was innocuous.

The question took Amanda by surprise and for a moment she wasn't sure that she heard it correctly. _Did Olivia really just ask me to spend time with her_ , Amanda wondered, the words sounding too good to be true.

"As friends?" Amanda blurted out, seeking confirmation before she got her hopes too high.

"No," Olivia corrected, and upon seeing Amanda's face begin to fall she rushed to finish. "I mean like a date," she breathed peering up at Amanda, anxiously awaiting her response.

The words seemed to hang suspended in the air as Amanda froze. Her mind replayed what Olivia said over and over as Amanda tried to make sense of the words. _She said a date, Olivia asked me on a_ date, Amanda confirmed, still not quite believing what she heard but not daring to question it.

"It's a date," Amanda agreed, beaming down at Olivia who felt a wave of relief wash over her. There had been such a long pause that she began to worry that she had been completely wrong about Amanda's feelings. Olivia had been on the cusp of trying to take back her words, a monumental feat, but Amanda's gleeful acceptance eliminated the need and Olivia felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders; which she acknowledged was partially due to Amanda's excellent massage.

The two fell silent, with both of them wanting to savor the moment. Olivia closed her eyes and Amanda resumed her massage. The atmosphere felt lighter now that the tension had cleared the air.

A little while later Amanda ceased her ministrations and sat up straight. She started to tell Olivia she was done when a soft snore interrupted her. Amanda looked down at Olivia who was sound asleep and smiled at how peaceful the older woman looked. Reaching over, Amanda grabbed the sheets from the other side of the bed and draped them over Olivia, being careful not to wake her.

Amanda thought about cleaning up, eyeing the oil and the other bottles she had yet to put away, but she decided it could wait. Sleep was suddenly calling to her too and she saw no reason to resist. While lying down next to Olivia it finally sank in that she was going on a date with her and a contented smile spread across her face. Amanda curled up closer to Olivia, pulling the cover over her as well, She closed her eyes knowing pleasant dreams would follow, and within minutes they were both asleep.


End file.
